Anyone that battles depression knows that you have your good days and your bad days. I must admit that I have been pretty sad lately and I’m not really sure why. I have a good house, running car, and comfortable job. I also have a good family and friends, so why in the hell am I sad?
I’m thinking it has to do with getting older. I have another birthday, my 51st, coming up around the corner. Being a realistic pessimist, I am guessing I will be lucky to have another 35 years left on this earth. With that type of thinking, you start counting the years and looking in the rearview, thinking how there are more years behind you and less over the next horizon. That brings me to thinking about how every day that I spend in my current situation is one less day that I get to spend where I want to be. God tries to slap lipstick on this pig known as Indiana every now and then, like the photos at the top and bottom of the page that I took, but, quickly, it goes back to being just your normal, everyday pig.
I have lived in Indiana my whole life, which has made me realize there’s a reason it is one of the states that Jason Aldean sings about as being a “flyover” state. There’s nothing in Indiana except flat and corn. That was ok for the first 50 years, but not the next however many years.
I really want to move west, be it Colorado, Arizona, Utah, Washington, or Oregon. Whoever said,” go west young man” was speaking directly to me. If I see shows on television where people are buying a home in Oregon, or walking through Sedona, Arizona, I get sad and my eyes start to tear up. I want that to be me. I am ready for fresh adventures and so many new things to discover. In Indiana, I feel as though I have been down every road there is in the state.
I know what you are thinking. Hey, dumbass, quit bitching about it and just move. Well, there is one tiny little issue. My timeframe for moving is a bit different than that of my wife. I am ready to move yesterday, but she’s still dragging her feet a bit. She likes her job, thus she is a bit hesitant to make the move. I understand that, but I think we can overcome those obstacles with a fresh start in a new locale. Sure, I guess I will be a little sad when we do actually back up the moving truck and start loading it up, but it is a sadness I look forward to like Christmas morning.
When we do move, it will likely be to a more retirement-oriented area with many retirees making up the majority of the population, which is OK with me since I have always thought that I have had an old soul. Give me some quiet old people over noisy young people any day.
I guess the thought of my own eventual retirement and the golden years will make me sad someday as well, but, right now, as a working stiff, it all sounds like sunshine and rainbows. My Mom still works, but my Dad has been retired for some time now. He always told me that I was wishing my life away, which I still do, and that I don’t want to retire. I guess I can see his point about not wanting to retire. You don’t have anywhere that you have to go and no routine to fall into. Those are problems I am willing to tackle.
All the while I think about getting older, I often forget everyone is getting older. I lost my last grandparent not too long ago. I also think that my parents are getting older. My wife is getting older. Our dogs are getting older. I often think there are so many sad days on the horizon and I don’t know if I will be able to handle them.
I get really sad thinking about being on this earth without my parents. I also get sad thinking about my daughter dealing with this world without me. I don’t get sad about me not being here, but I do get sad about not seeing everything that she will accomplish.
Another kick I have gotten into is making some passive income. It seems more and more like politicians are trying to take away everything we have worked for as security programs for retirement, so who knows what it will be like in 15 years. I have almost been obsessed with finding ways to make additional passive income. Real estate investing, blogging, or even an online business … I am currently doing them all. Not making much money any of them, but giving them a try nonetheless.
Hang on a minute. I have to take a break. All of this work for passive income is making me tired.
Can I retire now?