Well, for the few of you that read my last blog, you know I was supposed to fly this weekend. This morning to be exact. It is now 5:44 a.m. My flight leaves at 6:55 a.m. I will not be on it, unfortunately. I have let fear stand in the way, again. I am not happy about it. I am not proud of it. It makes me very sad. I am really at a loss for words.
Fear Takes Over
I got up early this morning, still on the fence on whether I would fly or not. Not really. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t going to go, but I got up anyway to see if maybe there was some divine intervention that would prompt me to put my fears aside to allow me to live life. I realized that I am a coward. Not the kind of coward that hits women or harms animals, but one that is afraid of way too many things.
The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
H. P. Lovecraft
As I typed away on the website of my airline in the cancellation process, I selected my flights, and before I clicked the cancel button I thought about it one last time. There was no going back. Once I clicked that button, my hopes of getting away to do something fun with family and friends would go out the window, but I did it anyway because of fear. Not because I didn’t want to see my friend who had moved to Denver or my parents who aren’t getting any younger, but because I was afraid of flying.
Those of you like me know how hard it is. It’s not easy living in fear. I know there are so many people in the world that have it so much worse than me and have much bigger things of which to be afraid. For example, people living in war-torn countries or those that are waiting to hear back from their doctors about their diagnosis have fears. Legitimate fears. My fears are between my ears.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
The words above uttered by Franklin Roosevelt during his first inaugural address back in 1933 were in regards to the Great Depression and the devastating effects on the country. Fear is a powerful thing. Fear clouds your judgement and makes you do things you normally wouldn’t do.
Stats Don’t Lie, Right?
If I were 100 percent guaranteed that I could make it to Denver to visit my friend and to also see my parents, you’re damned right I would be there in a heartbeat. Yes, we all know the statistics about flying and how safe it is. That’s fine and dandy for most people, but for people like me, we think if there is going to be trouble with a flight, it will be ours.
It didn’t help when I saw news of a crash of an airliner a few weeks ago. Hard to imagine what those passengers must have went through. I often wonder, in those situations, if it is mass hysteria or if people try to remain calm. I talked to my wife about that issue and I would like to think I would remain calm, but I know damn well that I would probably faint or have a heart attack. Would you try to call loved ones or would that do more harm than good for them? Well, that’s a situation I hope I never get a chance to find out, truly, how I would act.
Well, at this point, there is nothing I can do about my trip. Yes, I could still drive the 1,000 miles to go to Denver and even more to see my parents, but then I am putting myself on the roads for 15-hour stretches. Yeah, that’s safe. We have all been on the roads. Not a very pretty environment. So, it looks like I will have a week at home doing projects around the house and outside, which isn’t all bad.
To my parents and my friend, Ryan, I really did want to come to visit. I am very sorry that it is not going to happen this time, but it will in the future, hopefully. As we all know, tomorrow is never a given. I told many people in the days leading up to my flight that I shouldn’t worry about it. If it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go. If you weren’t going to go in a plane crash that day, you would just have a heart attack or something else instead.
Maybe I should go park outside the emergency room for the rest of the day just to be safe.